When we talk about traditional discipline we refer to punishments, rewards, using fear and humiliation to make children behave well and basically impose our rules and orders without taking into account the child's feelings, opinions or needs.
Punishment is one of the main tools used by parents and teachers, but I invite you to think, how did you feel when you were punished, humiliated or made to feel afraid? Surely the feelings that come to your mind are not positive at all. In the past you could beat children to educate them, parents used to say, ¨here you have to do what I say and that's it¨. Children were deprived of food if they misbehaved and violence such as spanking was a daily occurrence.
These methods may have worked in the past, but what happened to those adults who grew up in this environment? Well, many of them are not happy, they have emotional problems because nobody taught them about emotional self-control, they are repeating the same story with their children and if they did not become very rebellious because of so much senseless control, they became very complacent and anyone goes over their heads, since they were taught that their emotions and thoughts are not worth.
Do we really want to continue in that vicious circle? Psychologists are full of patients who every day talk about the problems they have thanks to their parents.
There are parents whom their children never visit because they did not earn their affection and respect. We have serious problems regarding the environment, delinquency, abuse and family violence.
This has to be changed, we have to wake up and understand that fear, violence and humiliation are not the right way to teach and discipline. In history there have been many revolutions against leaders who use force and impose their laws.
The new generations are much more aware, they have a lot of information at hand, they have rights since they were children and they rebel against injustice more easily than past generations.
I cannot teach recycling if my child sees me throwing garbage, I cannot teach not to hit if I hit, I cannot teach respect if I humiliate my children. We have to be more conscious parents and use more respectful, friendly, but firm techniques at the same time.
Positive discipline teaches us for life, it invites us to be better people to truly be examples for our children to follow.
It is a philosophy that takes into account everyone's needs and focuses on solutions.
You cannot force people to treat you with respect and kindness, but you can decide to walk away with dignity when someone humiliates you or treats you badly.
There are many tools, techniques and new approaches in positive discipline that if we apply them we will be educating a better generation that is more respectful, compassionate, kind, fair and that will be able to contribute positively with their talents to society.