When we are in the middle of a fight or we see other people fighting what is generated within us are emotions such as anger, despair, anxiety, stress, etc... The environment becomes unstable and chaotic.
When there are many fights between parents, one of the children may start to misbehave just to distract the attention of parents and change the situation somehow avoiding them to fight.
This is very common because children live in an egocentric world where they believe they are the center of the world and that the things that happen around them are their fault. That is why, many times, when children misbehave, a good option to understand the reason is to look at the relationship between the parents.
When a child lived in a family with a lot of fights, violence and shouting, he gets used to that environment and in the future he will unconsciously look for conflicting partners, because he only learned to show love through shouting, fights and even blows.
If people have been living in a chaotic environment for a long time, they end up naturalizing aggressiveness and close the doors to a more peaceful, harmonious and happy life. On the contrary, the most noble and sensitive children do not naturalize it, but create anxiety, insecurity and fears.
My partner does not change! What if you change yourself?
Many times when you change, the conflict is resolved because the couple and families are systems, if one changes, everything changes.
One option that many people use to solve a conflict is to ignore it and that is not right, because in this way the problem will not disappear but it can increase and generate more and more resentment and negative emotions towards others.
Everyone always tries to be right, everyone talks and does not listen.
What if the next time we are going to resolve a conflict we understand the other person's point of view, their needs and their reasons? The best thing to do is always to ask, "let's see if I understood correctly, what you mean is...".
In society we have become accustomed to fighting and being right to resolve conflicts. Why instead of trying to be right, we better think, we have to look for a solution that works for everyone! Why instead of trying to hurt the other, we better change the situation by putting ourselves in their shoes and understanding them? Let's not always try to win, let's try to reach an agreement.
Don't you think it is better to look for solutions that work for everyone instead of always trying to do what you want? Is the idea that you feel good or that everyone feels good?
Being parents is what makes us grow, mature and improve as human beings, let's not let our egos and arrogance block our way and let's start thinking more about the common good rather than the individual.
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